Sending a Letter to Heaven

 

                                       Hello Grandma, are you there?

     Not to long ago, I came across an article that convinced me to "write a letter" to the person who "took my heart away" when they gained their wings.
     As I read it - it told me that the grieving process is much harder for some then it is for others. I believe my "story" goes into the column of (the MOST hard) as it has been. Over twenty years have escaped now since you have left me. My life never being the same from that day on. 

     I have so many things to ask you and so much to tell you. I truly believe in Angels though and that makes me believe that you know what has been happening in my life.

     It is a Saturday afternoon. The rain is gently falling outside. Another beautiful Spring day here in Washington. I have been spending a lot of time in front of my computer working on albums for the kids. 

      You would love the kids/grandkids.
Shurree's has two: Habby (my baby) whom I know Pops would delight in teaching everything he needs to know - like where to hang the hammer after you are finished with it and the proper way to stack wood. Saphiere (yup) I still can't figure that one out but she is alright (just don't tell her mom I admitted to that).

Sharrah has WAY to many children to count: Seven at this point not counting Andre' (her bug). There is Kayde, Kingztin, Sophieah, Keighen, Kylhur, Blezzin and Myrrikall (yup, I didn't name the last two- so that explains that). Those kids are all different in their own right but I am sure that Pops wood pluck Kingztin right out of the center, pulling him in tow teaching him the man way right next to Sebastian.

Saisha has only 1 so far. Deklyn. That kids. Red head. Whoa. He has a lot of his Mommy in him and that is a real good thing. He is quite intelligent though. I am not sure where that came from. Not his mom or his dad. He loves to read learning, soaking facts in. Awww, yes! Must have came from *my son. Though D-man is a handful, I feel as though Marge would delight in him just as she did Blazz.

Shailah is on three of her own and two (bonus) children. Lucee' is the oldest and my absolute sunshine with her long red hair and freckles. You would love her so much. She is a lot like I was as she is growing up. Her laugh is everything! Then we have Oakley - I tell you what, that kid is 100x for lack of a better word *worse then all the other kids put together. A match for Aunt Rose, he is. He loves to run in and slap me then go {fake} cry to his mom so she yells at me for upsetting him. He goes and goes and goes. There is no break with that one. The shenanigans run high with him. Rose would never get rest. Last we have Jovie. She has your middle name. Yours and Marge's. Adorable child. Favorite baby. I believe you had a hand in sending her to us. (Shailah just got engaged to Jake. They have been together for awhile now. Split up and returned to one another. He has two daughters: Olive and Ruby) They keep us busy with their "mind set" when they come on the weekends.

Blazz: Who is my heart song. He has no children at this time. He always thanks his sisters for having their kids because now he knows he doesn't want any. I don't believe that though. He is perfection (yes, still Rusty's kid and yes, we are still together) and would make such a wonderful dad {someday} but for now he is focused on being just everything right in this World and I am okay with that.

     

     
                               Because I believe in Angels:
I know that you know how I am. How I am doing but do you know how much I miss you? How much I think about you? How much I need you here in my life? Do you know that everyday without you cuts deeper and deeper into my soul? Are you aware that most times when I cry it is because you are no longer in physical form in front of me? Do you know that I talk about you every chance I can to keep you "alive" in my darkened World?

     How is Pops? Is he proud at all about the way I am turning out? Just like you in so many ways with my voice and stubbornness. That each time my crown starts to tip, I remember who my Queen is and a fling it back to its perch where it belongs.
     I think I am doing alright. Things could always be better. I guess. But I am as content as I can be without you here to argue with. I can with all confidence say that I do have Tai Tai as you had me, to keep me jumping at all times. I never know what will be next with that kid and that is okay. I am happy. I just wish you were here. Every moment of Every day. 

     How is Aunt Rose? I didn't realize how much I would miss her but it only seems clear since she was almost every part of my childhood. (I don't know how Ric or Linda are doing. That hurts my heart. We were all so close as kids.) Are there plenty of ice cream bon bons for her to indulge on? Is she still unable to open her mouth "more then this?" Does she still sh*t stir - nagging the Angels with her annoyance? I can just see her smug grin now as she reads this.

     Marge. Is she doing alright? I imagine she is "trying" to bark out orders for everyone to follow. Shailah sure does miss her. For someone who never cared for me and someone I never cared for, its "weird" not having her there. Just on the other end of the phone ringing. I am not sure how Mighty is doing since she gained her wings but I know how much they loved each other and my heart breaks for him. I am aware she is "overhead" still cheering him on just as she always will be but it hits different. It just does.

     What a reunion it must have been with: Grandma, Grandpa, Billy and all the sisters together again. I miss Aunt Julie and Aunt Sal. I wish the kids could have met them all. It is still unbelievable to me that there is no-one that can give any of us answers to family questions when we are needing reassurance from time to time. 

     Well, I just wanted to say Hi and remind you that even though you are no longer here on Earth, you still remain. Even though stories are repeated, I will keep telling them and even though my heart is broke in two, I still love you with all of it. 

                                                           Hug everyone for us! (even Marge)

                                                                     Love for eternity 💔