Hard Candy Christmas.

 

     I have told this story a few times before and maybe even wrote about it here or there but it is definitely something I want the kids to remember in the years a head so they make sure that who-ever they end up spending their lives with, they check out the In-Laws first before saying I Do.

     One Christmas about 24 years ago my EX husband ... I did say EX right? Okay! My EX (just wanna make that very clear) My EX husband has invited his parents over to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us. I didn't really think to much of it at the time because I was sure there was no way they would show up. We were in Washington. They were in Oregon. What are the odds, right? Not in my favor that was for sure. Well, Kevin kept boasting how "rich" his family was. What great taste they had in gifts & how his mom, Betty was God's most precious gift to this World. Everything she touched was magic. I hadn't spent much time with either of his parents. I was so nervous. A young mom trying to make a good impression on the in-laws? (On the In-Laws who had been drilled in my head they are better then me. Better then everyone) You know how that one goes- right? Big yawn.

     Well, Betty, his Mom and Doyle, his dad did surprise us by confirming they would be there. Oh the Joys of the Holiday Season. It was freezing that year. I think back to it being one of the coldest I can remember.  We had snow and lots of it. Kevin (my X) and I lived in an apartment and though it was beautiful (right on the Green River in Kent) it wasn't real huge. It was the place we always would go past telling each other someday that we would live there. It took a lot of years but we made it. I made it. He came along for the ride. So, has Doyle unloaded arm full after arm full after arm full of beautifully wrapped gifts with matching bows & glitter tags, Betty brought in a turkey with all the trimmings. A "perfect" pecan pie. A "perfect" pumpkin pie. Cans of whip cream, cases of pop & 3 bottles of Sparkling Cider along with glasses so we could cheer in the New Year. Now because our fridge wasn't huge- just regular size, Betty had a great idea ... Everything could just be stored out on our deck. Living on the second floor there was never a worry about someone getting anything other then birds yet with ice leaving a covered layer on everything those birds really weren't much of a concern for the next 18 hours.  It was below 32* so nothing would go bad before afternoon when the turkey had finished cooking. That morning as Betty put the bird in the oven, shutting the door: it was time for the gifts to be unwrapped. These perfectly wrapped gifts. Everyone with no tape showing. Glitter bows covering the boxes and matching gift tags. Who does that anyways? Gift after gift after gift. They had brought Shurree' a new rocking chair, a huge over stuffed bear, baby dolls, a shopping cart, a satin bathrobe and even a full length fur coat not to mention everything else a toy store carries ...

     Kevin's turn. He started opening gift after gift after gift. A leather wallet, new socks, jeans, shoes and to many new sweaters to count. They waited to give him the best last ... It was a new bread machine. (now at that time those ran like $250) Kevin (remember he was my EX) was ecstatic letting me know how perfect his mom was. He questioned how she ever knew that he wanted something so badly when they barely ever spoke and even less then that seen each other. (What a shocker, right? Her asking me what he wanted and me telling her.)

     Then it was my turn. I received one gift from them. They didn't have to get me anything. They shouldn't have gotten me anything. I repeat: Should NOT have. The gift was very heavy. I couldn't imagine what it might have been. I didn't ask for anything. I didn't need anything. Whenever I was missing anything My Grandmother made sure it was right in my hands in a matter of moments so ... I looked over at Kevin (still my EX- just didn't want you to forget that part) he just shrugged his shoulders since he also couldn't figure out what it was.  Betty said "Open it." While clapping her hands. "I think you will be happy. It is something to go with Kevin's gift." I had no clue. Kevin didn't either. I opened it slow. Taking my time not to be acting all crazy, ripping paper open like I was from the "poor" side of town and all.  Not in 3 million years did I ever expect ... They had to be kidding, right? I took their son from them, relived them from him if you may. Carried their 1st Granddaughter through hell and back before giving birth to her, refused to move from Washington to Oregon so they didn't have to deal with him (Kevin) any more and just what was under that gorgeous glittery dreams are made of paper? A ten pound bag of flour. Flour What? I must have had one sour looking face when Betty said "I didn't know if you had any or not so now go along & make us some fresh bread while we sit and talk."

     She was kidding right? It was at that very moment I had a feeling we would never "become friends" yet I did have to laugh a tiny bit, see has Kevin (the EX) continued to inform me about his wonderful mother being as thoughtful as she was, not forgetting the flour in case we didn't have any (that I should make sure I thank her for giving me the best gift ever) - she screamed! Such a drama Queen, that one. Kevin and Doyle both sprung to their feet running towards the deck and there they found Betty standing smack in the middle of Karma. Everything on the deck was ruined. Not because it warmed up but because the temperature dropped lower and it became colder over night inviting all the drinks to exploded which in turn covered everything including her "Perfect" Pies.

Merry Christmas to Me! The EX was right for once. They might just have given me the best gift ever. The gift of revenge without ever having to lift a spoon.

     Side note: Maybe I am just cursed when it comes to In-Laws and gifts? *No disrespect here but my next set of them gave me a Bible with my name inscribed in gold on the front. A Bible. Me? A Bible. I am not much of a Church going person so maybe I should store it in a safe place incase I need it someday? Where? O! I know! How about inside a ten pound bag of flour. That sounds about right. That sounds about right. Doesn't it?

                                                        Kazz 💋