Do You Remember? Ickle Acksons.

                                    So, today is my Grandmother's birthday. 
It is a real hard day for me & even though it has been 21 years since she has gained her wings -
the pain feels like it was just this second in time.

     My Grandmother always loved Christmas - even though I didn't just write these two entries,
I thought today would be a good day to share them - while I think about her & celebrate her.

     Seasons Greetings,

I must admit that I haven't really been on here much lately to keep up with the this & that's of life in
The Woodz. I don't know if it is because I just haven't had the time or just haven't taken the time to make the time? Either way ... I have been MIA so to speak.

     The count down has been on for quite awhile now. Yes! The dreaded Christmas Eve visit from Santa. 
The one that takes 364 days to get to every year. The one that is so looked forward to by the young 'n old alike. People everywhere. For some reason though - this year has been different. At least for me. It has nothing to do with Covid either.

     I feel all this Season has become nothing but a sped up poorly written commercial. It makes me sad.
So sad. Like, where is everyone's Christmas spirit?
Where is the joy? What happened or is this just how it is going to be as a grown up?  

     Don't you remember?
I remember as a child in The Redmond House. I waited and waited for that first snowfall. Christmas snow. There is nothing more magical in all the World. I would walk in it, roll in it and build my new friends from it. My hands would get so cold that I felt like I didn't have any. The sun would go down so quick but that didn't matter to me. Christmas snow! I had snow and it was Christmas time.
     Don't you remember?

     Don't you remember?
I would spend hours looking out my window to see when the mailman or in my case, mail person (Penny) would be coming up the street. As she would pull away from the curb, I would sprint out the door.  Red, Green & Blue envelopes filled the once empty box. I couldn't wait to get back in the house to "rip" them open. My favorites were always the ones with the glitter all over them. The tree lights danced on them like they were expensive diamonds.
     Don't you remember?

     Don't you remember?
I wanted to stay up as late as I could to see Santa just even a small glimpse of red or white as he dashed up the chimney. I need to go to bed early though. I would lay still listening for the bells the reindeer wore. I heard them. I heard them. Asleep I went.
     Don't you remember?

     Don't you remember?
Waking up before the daylight had a chance to yawn, rushing to the tree in all its wonderful glory over-shadowing boxes and bows and ribbons and tags. It didn't matter what was in them. You would always get what you wanted. You knew that. Santa was a Hero.
     Don't you remember?

     These days it is so hard to remember.
It is all about the money. It is all about the jealousy. It is all about who gets the most gifts and if your car is going to slide driving in the white powder.
     I don't think it is that no one cares anymore. I think it is that the kids now a days don't know what real joy is. They just don't.
     They don't know it is your pets cuddled up in your lap while you watch It's a Wonderful Life for the 300th time. 
      They don't know it's having your Mom & Dad, your Brothers & Sisters all together for that one moment even if they don't talk any other time throughout the coming year. 
     They don't know it is that first snowfall of Winter.
They don't know it is the tears. It is the laughter. It is the magic of Believing and the memories you hold in your heart.

     Don't you remember?

     Does anyone remember?

CHRISTMAS PAST

January 3rd, 2020

It is funny, Christmas never really hit me this year.
I didn't feel the excitement or Ickle Acksons this time around.

Shopping was nothing more then a chore & that saddens me.
I used to love walking through the malls with all the store fronts in full glory inviting you to come in with each word of a familiar tune playing just a little to loud.

The snow lightly falling outside, a pink sky drop, boots covered in white powder.
The tiny lights. The millions & millions of tiny multi colored lights that could even
on a bad day take away The Grinch's green breath.

This year ... even though the wrapping paper matched the bulbs on the tree that twined within the bows & ribbon, it just didn't feel right.

Some of my kids weren't here. Maybe that was it?
Maybe it was the fact of how bad I missed home?
Maybe it was I knew I had to work the next day?

I honestly don't know what it was but this time around when someone said
"Merry Christmas" I couldn't find myself to reply the same back to them.

We were able to see the Grinch a few times & Santa just as many.
The stockings were full and when all the presents were all unwrapped we had succeeded!
All the children still BELIEVED.

*Rusty left this morning to head back to Montana. 
I always feel guilty when he says his goodbyes (again). 
Like maybe I was being a biotch to him?
Maybe I should have been kinder or MORE loving? 

It is the drinking. I am no longer able to shut my eyes, to see past it.
Fights always erupt for the most ass clown reasons but none the less they do happen.

*Note: this Summer is off. He will be going to Mexico.
Repeat: Rusty will not be home this Summer when we make our yearly
vacation trip there. Viva La Raza 

     Now, I know this is a bit of ya, ya, yas but no matter how bad or how good Christmas is around here, I can only think of My Grandmother -

     Happy Birthday Queen.
Your legacy continues to live on.

                                                                       Kazz 💋