Does Someone Need a Hug?

-

A bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. A lit Peppermint Sugar Cookie candle from Bath & Body Works. A White Chocolate Pumpkin Mocha from Starbucks and here I sit, wrapped in my bee blanket searching for something to write about.

     Today was Lucee's birthday. She turned 9. Her theme was: On Cloud 9. How appropriate. Everything was rainbows & sunshine. It didn't start out that way - more sophistication honestly. The rose colored pink hues & gold tones - so grown up. Still just a child though. Why rush time?

Only one candle was placed on her cake today. I think one candle is just enough - after all, you only get one wish.  

Like others, I often wonder what one wishes for? The young and old a like.

Mine are simple wishes. Not of money or fame. I wish that I had more time with my children. Any time. All time. I miss them so much. All the who-has of celebrations while they were growing up.

I have 5 kids. I guess that is something that is less then any secret, if you know me.

                      Shurree', Sharrah, Saisha, Shailah & Mighty, Blazz - that order.

The last time all of my kids were together other from days (long) gone by - was Christmas a few years ago. 100 years in a mom's eyes but reality only a couple. Like 4 or 5. 

     They were however as one to celebrate Saisha graduating High School. That was a flash. Then everyone went different ways.

Shurree', Sharrah and Shailah still here in Washington but Saisha is in Montana and Mighty in Colorado. Colorado, I imagine is more then beautiful in the Winter time. I have always wanted to visit there. There and Utah to see the Temple. Also Vermont but only to buy a Teddy Bear and Maple Syrup.

     Speaking of Maple Syrup - I have thought a lot about my little outburst over my son wanting to move father away (from me) again. I started to think that I really don't have any right to try to clip his wings and hold him back. To do that, what kind of Cool Mom would I be?

I mean, this next journey of his will take him far far away but he will get to visit Gimbels. Make snow angels. Eat rolls of Tollhouse cookie dough & cram 11 cookies in the VCR. He gets to be a human raised by elves and wrap Christmas presents using 6 inch ribbon curls.

My hurting heart started to heal a little until I took another sip of my crappy cup of coffee and realized he wasn't going to New York - he was going to Florida. I started to feel like such a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins in the way of - I still didn't have the right to try to make him stay here and cut down trees from Central Park.

     So Mighty, if you are reading this ... know that I support you in anything and everything you do. I have always been your biggest fan and I will always be your biggest fan - I just hope while you are there "you find your dad."

Back to the birthday bash:
I not only have 5 children but I have whole North Pole full of Grandchildren too:
Kayde
Skye
Kingztin 
Sebastian 
Sophieah
Keighan
Saphiere
Lucee'
Deklyn
Kylhur
Blezzin'
Myrrikall
&&& Oakley

     The cake has been cut and ate. The bottle of cider long drank resting now in the garbage, clothes are in the washer and the sugar high of frosting is barley starting to wear off. I am tired. It is early. The air is a Winters cold. The holidays are coming soon and like last year, the year before and every year after - I will quietly ask Santa to assist in my kids coming home for Christmas because after all - I sure can't think of any better gift then that.


                                                                                                                    Kazz 💋










Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Didn't See that Coming ... Keep Reading!

-
Image
                                              I hope that someday when I am gone that someone, somewhere                    picks my soul up, reads these pages and thinks "I wood have loved her."       It seems kind of crazy to, in times like these "love" something but today, I find that I do. It is my day off. My mind races to Starbucks with their Salted Caramel Cold foam a top - Chai Tea. I have become addicted. Lately. It seems that I can taste the ice cold creamy-ness in most of my dreams.       Do I want to venture out to get one. I weigh the pros and the cons of the trip.      Pros: The building is within walking distance.             The taste of the tea.             It is 1/2 price drinks until 6pm tonight.  ...
Read more

Sending a Letter to Heaven

-
Image
                                          Hello Grandma, are you there?      Not to long ago, I came across an article that convinced me to "write a letter" to the person who "took my heart away" when they gained their wings.      As I read it - it told me that the grieving process is much harder for some then it is for others. I believe my "story" goes into the column of (the MOST hard) as it has been. Over twenty years have escaped now since you have left me. My life never being the same from that day on.       I have so many things to ask you and so much to tell you. I truly believe in Angels though and that makes me believe that you know what has been happening in my life.      It is a Saturday afternoon. The rain is gently falling outside. Another beautiful Spring day here in Washington. I have been spending a lot ...
Read more

The cow jumps over the moon.

-
Image
                                                                                                                   Christmas 2023      Just inches away from another New Year with the "last" one being ready to put to rest with somewhat of an unclosed chapter. That seems to be how it always is for me though.      Things that should have been said, things that should have been done. In essence, goals that were never reached - in hind sight, there is always tomorrow.      My fingers type this out as I reflect how this past (season) has more then drained me.       I found  myself working two jobs, endlessly. Hour after hour. Even though I...
Read more