Coffee. Chaos and How Many Kids?

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                                               "Do you remember me? 
                        I sat upon your knee. I wrote to you with childhood fantasies -
                            Well, I'm all grown up now and still need help somehow.
                                I'm not a child but my heart still can dream."


As a shiver runs through me, I look towards the gray skies unaware of why it would be raining on - of all days - December 24th. The promise of a white Christmas is melting away quickly. It saddens my heart.

     I know I should be overjoyed that soon Santa will be here and all the chaos of a house full of kids will come to rest at least for a moment - a small, slight moment.

     I reflect on the saying that goes ... "One of the most glorious messes in the World is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day." I am not sure who wrote that but I am quiet sure it was someone who never had kids. The drinks tipped over, the food smashed in the carpet, the no batteries - melt down ... bows, ribbon and wrapping paper everyplace. The photographs, the laughter, the gasps and hugs - maybe that person did have children. A lot or even just one. The memories envelop my being.

Lollipop kids, Scooby Doo and baby Black Kittens have the corners of my mouth turning up.

Yesterdays memories dance around me like Sugar Plum Fairies in a glorious musical of The Nut Cracker. 

     My heart hurts missing yesterday as much as I do and yet the thoughts of remembering help me hold it all together.

Christmas Eve has my head hurting with everything that still needs to be done. 

Shurree' will be here with the two kids, Jake and his two kids and Shailah and her two kids as well. O! I wonder if Santa knows what really goes on behind these closed doors at times?! Nothing is ever calm here. I try to figure out how to get the children into bed early so "The Jolly One" can get at least a few minutes rest before all hell breaks loose in the hours that follow.

I don't really recall it being that way when I was a child. There was no craziness. No loud voices. Just a lot of Christmas fudge and lights under the new fallen snow. 

     It is funny but one of the things I remember the most as a child was when Christmas cards would come in the mail. For some reason the best ones always had glitter on them. They were everything special about the holidays. Whenever I come across a photograph of one, they still are. They take me right back to Nana's (salty) hot chocolate and Aunt Rose's oven being open warming the house. Life was so much slower in those days.

     I envy my daughter, Sharrah in that right. While the World rushes around her, she moves at her own pace. My! How wonderful that must be.

Looking out the window again, pausing for a deep breath - the rain now blows sideways. It is cold. Real cold. Not cold enough for a White 25th though - but we were pretty close this year. There are still traces of the glistening powder clinging to the ground. My eyes shut - hoping it will stay around awhile longer.

I tell myself that if I just keep the faith and always Believe that maybe it just might happen. 

     My randomness for a moment: I have always BELIEVED.

I Believe in myself.
      I Believe there is good in the Universe - I Believe people have lost hope.
I Believe in song verses and one day there will be a knock on my door - opening it to my kids surprising me.
     I Believe that animals are the most intelligent beings on this planet.
I believe that memories are the greatest things we will ever have in our lifetime.
     I believe that happiness isn't something that you can buy but can only truly be felt with the heart.
I believe that love always trumps hate and I believe that you can do whatever it is you want to do and no one can stop you unless you let them.

     I also believe that I should quit writing this right now because:
I BELIEVE IN SANTA and ,,,

     I need to prepare a little more before he shows up tonight.

So to all of my readers, if I don't get to leave a message of love, peace and hope to you
in the coming year, until after Christmas - Joy Joy! Happy Happy!


                                                                                                                                                                                                              Kazz 💋


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