The cow jumps over the moon.

                  

                                                                                                Christmas 2023

     Just inches away from another New Year with the "last" one being ready to put to rest with somewhat of an unclosed chapter. That seems to be how it always is for me though.
     Things that should have been said, things that should have been done. In essence, goals that were never reached - in hind sight, there is always tomorrow.

     My fingers type this out as I reflect how this past (season) has more then drained me. 

     I found  myself working two jobs, endlessly. Hour after hour. Even though I was less then happy - trying to keep the smile and "sunny" personality that my customers have come to expect from me, I did it to make sure my kids had a memorable Christmas with joy, joy and an extended merry, merry. 
     I worked so much that I didn't myself even get the chance to slow down for a moment to enjoy a single carol being sung by a fire or however the song goes. I only found myself on a replay of "Where are you Christmas?" before shutting my eyes each night.  A song that has now become my somewhat overrated theme.
     I had too, I needed too, I "forced" myself too - try and give my kids that same kind of Christmas I grew up knowing.

     So, on December 23rd when I finally had a day off. A day off to start my shopping.
A day without snow, without candy canes and surely without spirit, I started to place things in my cart. Passing isle after isle most shelves looked sad, maybe returning what my heart was already feeling? The glitter paper below the red, green and gold bows were having a hard time trying to mask my loneliness. 

     I missed home. I missed my childhood. I missed my husband and kids, my grandchild that were all on the other side of the World from me. Montana USA.
     I had some of my kids home but it just wasn't the same. It couldn't be the same without ALL of us together. No scotch tape or Santa's cookies could help make this wish real this time. I kept believing till the last minute though. Holding tight to the brightest star in the sky.

     When the 25th arrived, I pushed myself through the motions. I honestly didn't want to darken the families spirit as they ripped into gift after gift "all getting what they asked for." 
     Now, don't get me wrong, I too received wonderful gifts but somehow, in someway there was still a little ice surrounding my heart and not the Christmas snow kind that we were more then lacking this year. 
     

     As I watched the kids play with their treasures, I stopped for a second. My mind wondered back and then again back to this moment. For the first time in a what seemed like a very long time, I knew I was going to be okay. I knew the world was going to keep spinning and I knew what was important. My family. All that we have been through together, all that we will still face along our journey. The sides of my mouth started to curl upwards as a WWE Wrestler flew past my face and a Mario car followed right behind.

     My head tells me now it is time to put 2023 behind us and rejoice in the coming of tomorrow. 2024 is sure to be a blank page that I am going to fill out my way, not that that is something I don't always do anyways. I just think I slacked a little [bit] this time.

     2024: a time for NEW resolutions:
As always: Exercising more and eating better. Water. Drinking more water but always each night to write down something good that has happened to me during the day. One thing or many more things. It won't matter what as long as I am more grateful for all I have. 

     *Side Note: NOT chicken for Thanksgiving though. That will never be okay.

I have an ... I won't say amazing husband because he will hold that over me, forever, but some pretty awesome kids and my grandkids aren't to bad sometimes either.
     I will [smile] more a [scare] less but remain powerful just as my Grandmother taught me. I will continue to stand up for whatever I feel is right while not backing down for anyone or anything. In just: still holding my Queen Bee Crown.
     I will try to work more on my blog, interduce more sweetness to my business and keep better track of all my "notes" in my overstuff drawers.

     My readers: I wish for you happiness, love and all your heart desires in the coming days, weeks and months a head. I hope you always find time to reflect and know that the most important thing on this Earth is your heart - what lies within it and all that comes from it.

                                                                    Celebrate this New Year and make it yours!

                                                       

                                                                                                                        As always, Kazz 👄



In (2023) Memorandum:
     Margaret Triplett
       Clayton Sutton
      *Brett Sawyer*
        Robin Macaw
      Cyndi Chapman